A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting at my house with the TV on, my dishwasher running, the washing machine going, the dryer going, and also had my phone in my hand scrolling through what I like to call “mind-numbing activity.” Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, my banking app, Facebook again, Candy Crush, back to Snapchat, etc. Now, let me paint you a picture of what my house looks like so you can get a better idea of how over stimulating this situation actually was. I don’t live in a giant house with two stories and lots of space to spread out. I live in a 1,500 square foot home (which I love) with an open floor plan all on one level. Sooooo, my kitchen and living room are separated by a counter top bar, and there’s about 15 feet between my living room and my hallway (which is where the washer and dryer sit inside the first door on your right). That’s A LOT of noise in one little space. All competing for my attention. All churning, guzzling, spinning, playing commercials, laughing tracks, and whatever else might come out of all those appliances. And the most amazing piece of it all is that I was sitting in the middle of everything swirling around me, and I had some how managed to tune out everything. I’m not really sure in that moment what snapped me back into reality, but when I realized there was so much commotion surrounding me and I was numb to it, I immediately became sad. Disturbed really. How had I managed to sit amongst chaos for, I don’t know, maybe hours, and not get overwhelmed or overstimulated? I began thinking, “Is this normal for me?” “How often do I do this?” “How often am I unaware of how plugged in I am all the time?” Then the ultimate question came across my mind which was , “When was the last time I was completely silent?”
Now, I don’t mean silent as in just not talking. The question really, in its entirety, was more about when was the last time I was just still. No music. No phone. No computer. No texting. No checking social media to see what everyone else is doing. When was the last time I purposefully, intentionally made it a priority to not be consumed with noise? Sure, I make time daily (in short spurts) to be still or silent, but it’s not long lasting. I may have silence while in the car if the radio isn’t on. Or during my prayer/devotional time. I’m the first one up in my house so usually I have quiet time in the shower or while I’m getting ready, but usually my thoughts at that time are consumed with the upcoming pace of the day. Obligations. To-do lists. Appointments. And in between the hair dryer, checking my weather app, answering texts sometimes before 7am, and racing out the door to get to work on time, I’m not even giving a thought to being still. The reality is, I know I’m not the only one. Our whole planet is running at this pace. And it’s heartbreaking.
I’m tired. The world is tired. Look at us. We fuss and fight and put our opinions on social media and de-friend people for disagreeing with us and shoot others who wrong us and at some point, we all became continuously connected and over plugged in with this insatiable desire to keep up the pace. Well, I’m there. I’m exhausted and worn out. And most of all? Overstimulated.
Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, I’m one of the last generations that existed before you could carry a computer around in your pocket to have access to the world in seconds. I’m the last generation where it was rude to call someone’s house after 9pm (8 was pushing it) because the one house phone that connected the entire family would ring and possibly disturb precious family time or someone sleeping. I’m the last generation that grew up where shows that aired on primetime TV were considered family oriented if they were before 9pm. I’m the last generation who was told it was inappropriate to talk about your political views with people you didn’t know. I’m the last generation that knew what it was like to have to wait for my favorite band’s album to come out and have to go to the store to buy it! I’m also a part of the last generation that took pictures on film in a camera, and had to wait for the prints to develop in a lab and pray that all turned out halfway decent. Now people call each other or text each other at anytime of night, you can watch and hear obscene things on television at all hours of the day, post your political view with the click of a button, download your favorite song from your couch, and take 17 selfies until the picture comes out just how you want it. So instant. So permeating. So invasive.
What is all this noise doing to us? What are all these distractions hindering? What is the continual outlet we’re plugged into doing to us? I can’t speak for the world, but I can speak for me. And for me? Well, I believe it’s slowly killing me. When I think back to my childhood, it was filled with play, make-believe, being outside in the dogwood trees in my yard, playing on my swing set, shooting the basketball in my driveway until dark set in and I couldn’t see anymore. Some of my favorite memories involved my childhood friend who lived across the street. We had matching Looney Toons leather backpacks that we would strap on and ride our bikes up and down the street. We would play Babysitter’s Club and go from the tree in my front yard to the tree in her front yard that we could climb in and “make food in the kitchen” or “put our dolls to sleep in their bedrooms.” All of this free from technology. Free from noise. Free from the interruption of a screen, a notification, or someone else’s opinion.
My husband and I recently watched season 1 of Stranger Things on Netflix. It’s a sci-fy thriller set in 1983, and it’s glorious. I’ve never been much into science fiction, but the set design, wardrobe, music, and all of the wonderful things from the 1980’s is what drew me into the show and made my childhood come to life! And the best part? The characters in this show don’t have the luxury of using a cell phone, playing on a portable game system, or any sort of instant connection to the world at their finger tips. It was quite beautiful to watch and made me miss those times. It also made me realize how jacked up our society is and how maddening it is to try to resist the culture that pushes instant satisfaction and instant connection. I hate it. And when I started to realize how much these stupid phones, news feeds, opinions, and ultimately noise in general impacts my daily life (and yours), it really took a toll.
Think about this: When was the last time you sat on your porch without distraction to listen to the June bugs or the crickets in the night time air instead of tuning into your nightly Netflix binge? When was the last time you worked out and didn’t take your phone with you on the treadmill or into your workout class so you could make sure you don’t miss a text or call? When was the last time you looked at your spouse with awe and wonder, and just took in their daily habits and routines without the distraction of some kind of screen in front of your face? When was the last time you left your phone alone even when you heard it ringing or a notification pop up? When was the last time you ate a meal with someone without pulling your phone out once? I’m guilty of every single one of these examples. Not being present in the moment. Not enjoying the richness of life in front of me. Not giving someone my full attention. I’m being overrun with noise. Am I the only one who finds this deplorable? WHY ARE WE SO NUMB TO THIS MADNESS THAT IS MAKING US ROBOTS? I’m living a real-life zombie apocalypse every day and it’s not because people are walking around with flesh-eating bacteria. It’s because I’m attempting to make interactions with people who are not interested in that anymore so I might as well be walking on a dead planet. How do I fix this? How do we fix this?
I’ve decided to start going against the grain and doing something about this problem. Here are some personal choices I will be making from now on, and I hope you join me:
Being intentional with some form of quiet time everyday.
This will be difficult, but possible. I think about how much I make sure my phone is with me all of the time. Even if I’m not checking it, I want to know it’s there “in case of an emergency.” Well believe it or not, there was a time in my life prior to a smart phone, and prior to a cell phone in general, that I survived without a phone. I remember it actually being a difficult habit to form to make sure I took my cell phone with me when I first got one. And it was just a phone. An old green screen phone with no texting capabilities. I love to tell kids about my first cell phone and they look at me like I have 3 heads!! If I’m home on a lunch break, I don’t need to look at my phone while I’m eating. If I’m waiting in line, I don’t need my phone to entertain me. If I’m sitting at a red light, I don’t need to check my phone. You don’t need to either.
Turn my phone on airplane mode
This can be especially helpful when I’m trying to complete a task without interruption. Sadly, we live in a world today where we constantly have to worry about our safety or the possibility of someone harming us for no reason. I like having the safety of my phone around me should I ever be in trouble, but if I turn it on airplane mode, I won’t be tempted to check for notifications…because I won’t get them! I would challenge anyone who reads this blog to put their phone on airplane mode when at the movies. When out to eat with friends or family. Even when watching tv so you aren’t distracted by extraneous information. I laughed hysterically the other day because I was watching the evening news (while also playing on my phone) and the meteorologist said in his live broadcast, “Now put down your phones and pay attention because this report is important.” I was stunned because he was talking directly to me!! The reality is, someone will leave a message if a call is important. If someone text’s me and it’s an emergency, they will find a way to reach me if they really need to. Leaving your phone on airplane mode for a while might be a total vacation you didn’t know you needed. Try it! I’m going to.
Leave my phone charging in another room
I’m guilty of wanting to have my phone charging where I can see it. That way I’ll be sure not to miss anything. But really what am I missing if it’s charging? Someone’s Snapchat? Someone’s ridiculous political rant on Facebook that’s so inappropriate it makes me want to scream? Someone’s picture of their food they want everyone to see? I’m not hating because you can scroll through my Instagram feed and see plenty of food. Let’s give ourselves a gut check here. If following other people’s lives is so important, and it can be for me because I like to feel connected to my family since they live far away, the feed will still be there when your phone finishes charging and you come back to it later.
Stop trying to document everything
I love Snapchat. I really do. The hilarious filters you can make with it are fantastic. My personal favorite is the unicorn that spews the rainbow out of it’s mouth because it makes you look so crazy and some days that’s exactly how I feel. Or I love the one with the glasses and braces because, let’s be honest, that’s exactly what I looked like as a child. Metal mouth and four eyes was all up in my childhood so I had a good 6-8 years of being a total walking nerd. But sometimes I’m so overstimulated by Snapchat I just want to delete it. I love having a bird’s eye view into other people’s lives who I consider friends, but as an introvert at heart, sometimes it drains me to watch a continual feed of people’s daily doings. And think about it. If you’re Snapchatting your whole day, how present are you in the moment for anything you’re doing? Put the phone down. Look into your significant other’s eyes, your friend’s eyes, your family’s eyes, and enjoy them. All of them. Does anyone really care about what restaurant we are at? Who we are with? What workout we’re doing? Again, I’m guilty of all of these things and I love to document certain situations. But as a whole, leave the phone and be in the moment.
Embrace something new
I think back to the days before hand held technology was all around us. I think about how I used to spend my time. The reason I play guitar today is because I taught myself how to play with an old beat up pawn shop guitar, a chord book, and the silence of my bedroom. I sat for hours training myself and learning to love music in new and different ways. I used to wake up and lay in my room just enjoying the morning sun, and the quietness of the house. I used to make things like button bracelets, go for runs with an ipod and not be disturbed because my music wasn’t on my phone. Think of how much time we waste in a day when we make room for spending time on our phones rather than doing something else we love. I’m not a lazy person, but my phone tends to make me more lazy than I should be. If you can count up the number of times you check your phone, put off household chores because your want more screen time, or put off exploring new hobbies because it’s easier to lose 30 minutes to an hour on social media, you’re losing time to find new likes and interests. If there is something in your life you want to learn how to do, personally, such as painting, drawing, learning a new instrument, making work outs a better priority, get off your phone and get up and do those things. What do we gain intellectually, personally, or spiritually by scrolling through new feeds and noise that other people put out into the world? If it doesn’t help you grow, stretch, strengthen yourself, or inspire you, embrace something new that will.
Most of us have become victims of societal gains and agendas. Most of us walk around like programmed dummies because all of this smart technology has made us dull and boring. People, including myself, walk around with phones in our faces or sit with tablets on our laps because it’s convenient and easy to disengage from those around us and satisfy our inner longings of being connected to some form of relationship that is completely false. If we are constantly connected then we are never alone, right? Wrong. The more we stay connected to screens and devices, the more we lose our ability to self-sooth and foster real, authentic relationships. Think about this: if you’re constantly connected to a news feed, public opinion, someone’s picture of their life they want you to see, how much room are you allowing in your life for personal growth and discovery? You’re not. You’re too focused on everyone else’s world and what they’re doing, so how can you be pouring into your own life? Of course there is a balance. But the longer I live, the more I realize how out of balanced our world is becoming and how much we need a shift in how we do things.
One of the hardest things to achieve in life is acceptance of self and being ok with who you are. Andrew Maslow is the author of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs where he created a pyramid to show the process of human motivation. I use it frequently with my clients to discuss how they can move away from the issues they’re having, to where they want to be in life, and what that process takes. The top of the pyramid shows Self Actualization, where essentially you arrive at the peak of who you are in life. The catch? None of us should truly ever get there because, in theory, we should all be evolving and growing until the day we die. In order to work towards that place, we’ve got to be comfortable without constant stimulation. We have to accept that sometimes there will be a void in activity, and it’s ok to be still. We have to come to terms with things in our lives that we don’t like about ourselves, and put the phone down in order to explore that. We have to make room in the places in our hearts that so desperately need human connection, and not fill those spaces with competing, boring junk. In order to be whoever it is you truly want to be, you’ve got to make room for silence. Won’t you join me?
-Maggie
MaggieRigdon 