I haven’t written a blog in almost 6 months! It’s a little hard to believe life has gone by so quickly recently that I’ve let that much time elapse since letting my creative mind get tagged down in tangible words. At the turn of 2016 into 2017, God has been pressing on my heart to write a blog a month for this year. Yes, I’m aware it’s the beginning of March and this is my first blog to write in the new year, BUT, I’m finally getting serious about making this a priority.
I feel like I go through seasons where I’m more excited to write because I have all of these wonderful ideas, and then I go through lulls where I don’t feel like I have as much to share, so I don’t. I’m going to try to get out of this habit in 2017 and make time to write (at least) once a month in an attempt to stretch myself more and be more in tune with what the Lord is trying to teach me, and in turn, how He wants me to help others.
This past weekend spontaneously prompted this blog post out of some personal convictions I found myself experiencing…
I’m a creature of routine and structure. Not necessarily the Type A personality where I have lists for my lists and highlighters and planners and everything organized. Although sometimes I wish I was a little bit more like that because I feel like my life might be slightly easier.
I’m more of a creature of habit like we all tend to be. I have my work schedule, gym schedule, cooking schedule (sometimes), church schedule, friend schedule, cleaning schedule, phone call schedule (because my immediate family and I live in 3 different time zones), free time schedule, and then miscellaneous schedule for all other things that don’t fit into one of those other categories.
For the most part, my days look the same because I have this nice little neatly packed schedule in my mind of all of these moving parts and how I plan to get them done. I don’t ever write these things down because I don’t like planners, but I do a pretty good job of getting things accomplished by thinking ahead.
However, this past Saturday I woke up and didn’t feel like doing any of my regular activities. Normally, I spend my Saturdays going to they gym, cleaning my house, and running errands because my husband works Saturdays and it’s just a good day to get stuff done since I’m running solo.
I woke up kind of late, fixed myself breakfast (brunch), and enjoyed my coffee. As I progressed throughout the morning, I realized I didn’t have anything PRESSING to get done, so I wandered over to the couch and started watching a marathon of Fixer Upper. The only thing I would get up for every once in a while was to refill my coffee mug, and then come right back to the couch to continue on watching Chip and Joanna Gaines flip houses.
At one point, I looked at the clock and it was 2:30 pm…
Had I just wasted a good part of a “working” Saturday doing nothing?
I started thinking of all of the things I “could or should be doing” and started to have a bit of anxiety.
The list started running through my head: laundry, grocery store, the stacks of pictures in the guest bedroom I started organizing but left a few weeks ago that need to be put away, figuring out meal plans for this week, the bed’s unmade, I should probably vacuum the dog hair off the floor, maybe I should go workout since I didn’t go to my gym class this morning, there are dishes in the sink, etc, etc, etc.
All of the sudden, I felt guilty for breaking my routine to enjoy my coffee and watch HGTV. In my head, I was thinking of how enjoying some “me time” might really throw off my whole week if I didn’t accomplish “The List.”
Ugh, The List.
I hate The List. The older I’ve gotten, something has changed inside of me. Maybe it’s maturity. Maybe it’s marriage. Maybe it’s bonafide adulthood. Maybe it’s just the natural course that happens to women all over this world as they blossom into care takers of all things. I don’t know. But it’s really hard for me to avoid the nagging, persistent heel-nipping harassment of The List.
It’s like, no matter how much I try to be care free, The List tends to rear it’s ugly head to remind me that I have responsibilities and things to do. Because if I don’t do them, they won’t get done and then I’ll drop the ball somehow.
This weekend as I sat on my couch and analyzed these feelings of guilt and angst over this 4 hour cup of coffee I was trying to enjoy, I asked myself, “What is making me feel this way, and WHO is making me feel this way?” I stared blankly into my caramel colored, luke-warm coffee and realized…it was me.
I was the one putting this pressure on myself to get everything done. I was the one setting this standard and expectation to perform at the highest level of success.
But for what?
I can answer that question for myself, and I know for me, it’s because I don’t want to let anyone or anything down. I feel an obligation to do things, not because I feel like I always have to, but because I have a desire to live efficiently and make the most of my time and schedule. Even if it’s at the expense of my own personal down time.
I’m a counselor. It’s what I do for a living and I love helping others work through issues in their own lives and find success in overcoming obstacles and experiencing personal growth. One of my every day mantras I express to my clients is the idea that “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” Essentially, if you don’t care for yourself first, you won’t have anything to give back to anyone else.
Here I was sitting on my couch confronted with that exact truth that I don’t always implement into my daily living. I have outlets for stress as a part of my own personal care plan such as exercise and hanging out with my friends, but often times those activities are squeezed in between working, cooking a meal, doing the laundry, and other things that are a part of my daily routine.
Sometimes, it’s ok to just do nothing. And that can be such a hard truth for me to accept because there is this constant desire to be busy. In my mind, there is always something that could be done even if it isn’t an urgent priority. I even feel a little bit of guilt taking time to write this blog because I have “The List” reminding me of the usual things I do that are “more practical than this.”
One of my favorite scenes from a movie I saw several years ago comes from the movie, “I Don’t Know How She Does It.” It’s about a woman who is mom of two kids and works full time at a very demanding job. One of the scenes from the movie that describes women so well is called, “The List.” Sarah Jessica Parker who stars in the movie is laying in bed thinking of all the things she has to do over the next several days. You can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97wa5FUtuG4
This clip doesn’t show the very last part of the scene where she finally gets rid of The List, but at the very end of the movie, she starts to learn how to live beyond The List and the demands of everything in her life.
As I woman, I recognize that I’m probably always going to be highly aware of The List. I think by design, all women are always aware of The List. It’s a blessing and a curse. It’s wonderful that we are able to see the big picture from 30,000 feet above, and hone in on the minor details in order to make everything in life come together. It’s a curse because it’s very hard for us to live freely outside of The List because we know how much smoother life could go if we just got things done.
I want to encourage anyone reading this today to ditch The List. As agonizing and overwhelming as it can be to let some things go, remind yourself that life will go on if you don’t get it ALL done.
This past Saturday, I (almost) totally ditched The List. I got off the couch from watching Fixer Upper, took my dog to the park for walk since it was beautiful here, came back home to finish watching some more Fixer Upper, and then got ready to go eat dinner with my husband once he got off work. I compulsively sorted some laundry, made the bed, and cleaned some dishes out of the sink before he got home, but for the most part, I had a “me” day.
God tells us in Hebrews 4: 9-11, “9 So there is a special rest still waiting for the people of God. 10 For all who have entered into God’s rest have rested from their labors, just as God did after creating the world. 11 So let us do our best to enter that rest. But if we disobey God, as the people of Israel did, we will fall.”
God wants us to take rest from routine and work. He encourages it because He also took time to rest on the 7th day after creating the world. He even tells us that there will be consequences if we don’t make time for rest. I know I’ve experienced consequences from time to time when I don’t rest: sickness, unwarranted stress, and failing to complete tasks because I over-commit myself.
Overall, I feel like a healthy, balanced individual. Being transparent in my writing might insinuate that I’m a stickler for my schedule and fall apart if I don’t get my task list completed. The truth is, most times I can go with the flow and readjust my sails if I get off track from what I had planned for the day.
I am human though and sometimes can be too hard on myself when I lose sight of the big picture of life and Who holds all things together for good. If you find yourself being overwhelmed by The List today, take a step back and remind yourself that everything will work out even if you can’t get it all done today.
Intentionally look for ways that you can pour into your own cup so that you have strength and clarity to pour into other people and responsibilities. Take a quick walk, find an encouraging quote, enjoy that cup of coffee, listen to some soothing music, tell someone no because you don’t have to be all things to all people, pray to get better connected to God, love on your pet, love on your kids, or pick up take-out for dinner tonight so you don’t have the burden of cooking.
Whatever it is, ditch The List (or at least part of The List) and remind yourself that you are worth investing in and loving today. The world will keep spinning on it’s axis and you can rest in knowing that you took care of YOU for a brief minute until you feel prepared to get back in the game of this crazy, beautiful life.
Be blessed (and rest),
-Maggie
MaggieRigdon 