It’s been 169 days since I wrote my last blog post. That’s kind of embarrassing. It may not be considered an embarrassment to other people, but it is for me mostly because I had a goal this year (2017) to be more dedicated to writing. So far, this is only my second post of the year. My original goal was to write 1 blog a month for the whole year, and I’m clearly not going to make that happen.
In my previous blog post (all the way back in March), I had mentioned that God had really laid it on my heart to write more this year. To reach others through words. To speak life into existence that others may need to hear. To be more transparent because life change happens when we encourage others and are real with them. But what do I have to show for it going into the 4th quarter of the year? Not much.
I’m disappointed in myself for not being as dedicated as I know I could have been for the last 8 months. It’s not like I haven’t had blog ideas ready to go at any time. I keep a running list of “one line zingers” on my phone at any given time to help keep track of spontaneous ideas that could turn into writing opportunities. It’s not like I haven’t had much time to sit down and write because I’ve had plenty. The truth is, I don’t have any plausible excuses. I just haven’t written.
What’s crazy though is that I’ve woken up every day this year with the stirring in my heart to write. Not a day has gone by when I haven’t felt a tug to blog, or I haven’t heard God whisper in my ear, “write!” I can’t even blame the fact that I haven’t blogged on forgetting my goal or it slipping my mind. I’ve thought about it every day and have even incorporated it into my daily to-do lists. For some reason, even when I would put it on a list, I would put other things over writing and it would just keep falling lower and lower to the bottom of my priorities. Even after I wrote my last blog in March, I had great intentions of catching up to my original goal of writing one blog a month for the year. But still I remained stagnant, and 169 days passed without any writing.
On Father’s Day this past June, my church started a new sermon series which is typical for how my church likes to focus their messages. It was a 4 part series you can watch here if you’re interested: Weights
Each part of the series focused on different spiritual weights in our lives, the good and the bad. The first Sunday right out of the gate, my pastor, Steve Huskey, began talking about the weight of sin in our lives and what it does when we allow it to weigh us down. Now, a lot of people in our modern churches don’t like to hear the word sin. It tends to make people uncomfortable. In fact, I don’t like to hear that word either. It can make me feel bad or yucky at times too. But when it does make me feel uncomfortable, I have to remember that sin is real and sin is anything that separates me from God. While it’s not fun to talk about, we all have sin in our lives and I know that I can be reconciled with God as long as I recognize sin, confess it, and ask for forgiveness.
As Pastor Steve unfolded this series, he challenged our whole church to start looking at the weights in our lives that bog each of us down. He essentially told us that whatever weight(s) are in our lives that we carry that aren’t healthy for us will inevitably keep us from reaching our God given potentials and our God given destinies if we don’t strip that weight off…
Smack. Upside. The. Head. MOMENT!!
As he was making these challenges to us to look introspectively and confront these weights in our lives, I immediately felt convicted. Not because I’m a bad person and not because I have these massively horrible things in my life that need to be dealt with. Overall, I strive to be a good person and be the person that God has called me to be. However, because I’m human, I will always have things that separate me from God this side of heaven that will need to be addressed and dealt with in order to chase after the calling that God has placed on my life.
Pastor called out a number of spiritual weights from the stage that many people struggle with: anger, lust, greed, adultery, lying, cheating, stealing, addiction, etc. A lot of those examples are weights that people can see in another person’s life. Those kinds of weights that hold people down make it easy to sometimes justify our own weights that “don’t seem that bad.” It’s easy to get self righteous and think, “Well I’ve never robbed anyone or cheated on my spouse so the weights in my life aren’t has damaging as this other person’s weight.” That thought process hinders our ability to see the magnitude of our own weights, and ultimately justifies the weights that we carry to be acceptable. The truth is, sin is sin. Period. God doesn’t like my sin anymore than the next person’s.
So what about the weights that drag us down that not everyone can see. I immediately looked to my own (sometimes invisible) “weights” that have been dragging me down for months which directly correlate to my lack of writing: doubt, fear, laziness, apathy, indifference, and complacency. None of these can necessarily been seen from an outside perspective, but I carry them with me and they absolutely pollute my life daily and the path that my life will ultimately take.
You see, I LOVE to write. I always have since I was a little girl, and it’s something that comes naturally to me. I don’t have a degree in journalism, communication, or related field, but writing brings joy to my soul. And it doesn’t stop there. I love writing for the purpose of encouraging others. I truly feel like God has called me to write because my prayer and hope is that someday He will use it on a grander scale than just from a computer in small town Alabama. My passion is helping people, and writing is a beautiful way to reach others.
But.
Anyone who is a Christ follower understands that there is a real resistance in this world that attempts to stunt our spiritual growth. There is a force that we wrestle with all the time that comes to steal, cheat, and destroy us from our God-breathed dreams. It’s powerful and sometimes wrecks our lives in the most unbelievable ways, or creeps in slowly and subtly like a leaky faucet that eventually floods a whole room or a whole house.
I’m referring to the devil.
The devil has an agenda and his main goal is to bring death. Not just physical death, but spiritual death. If he can create enough doubt, enough confusion, enough hate, enough tension, enough failure, enough pain, enough defeat, then the kingdom of God will not advance. And if that happens, there is no hope.
As I wrestled with my personal weights on this particular Sunday in June, it ultimately made me sad. Sad that I had let the devil get a foothold in my life to convince me that maybe what I thought God had called me to do was really just a mistake. That my words didn’t matter or weren’t really worth writing down. I was beginning to realize that the drippy faucet of thoughts that I had allowed to slowly leak into my mind had become an ocean of confusion and ultimately the whole reason why I hadn’t blogged in months.
Here’s how the weights of my sin (doubt, fear, laziness, apathy, indifference, and complacency) had taken hold of my life and started weighing me down and stifling me. It began like this: “I want to write today but I have a million things to do.” “I’ll make time tomorrow.” “I just saw someone publish a blog on social media.” “That was really good.” “I don’t know if I can write like that person.” Sees another blog on social media from a different person, “Oh man, I was just thinking about writing about that.” “I can’t write about that topic now because what if they think I’m copying them?”
Then the weights took hold stronger like this: “What am I really writing for anyways?” “It’s not like many people probably read what I have to say.” “Does it matter in the grand scheme of life if I write?” “What’s it really for?” “I’m putting too much stock in this whole blogging thing.” “It’s dumb of me to think I can really make a difference that way.” “I’ll watch another episode of this Netflix show until I feel more inspired.”
Until ultimately I had convinced myself I couldn’t do it. “There are enough bloggers in the universe.” “I’m not writing anything new that hasn’t already been written about.” “If I did blog, I’d probably end up offending someone and I don’t want to put myself out there like that.” “I’ll just keep to myself and no one will no the difference.” “There are more qualified people than me so I’ll let this whole blogging thing go and forget about it.”
The problem with these thoughts is that they totally limited me from doing what deep down I know I’m destined to do. They became the truth from which I was making my decisions, and in fact, they weren’t true at all.
Something I’ve learned in this process of wrestling with these thoughts is that the devil exists in distraction and will do anything to keep you blinded from what you are called to do if you let him. Even if it’s distraction in the little things, those add up to be the big things. If the devil can create enough doubt and confusion, we will shift our minds away from what we are called to do, and fill it with lesser, trivial things. We all have a God given purpose on this Earth, and we have to be willing to fight for it and strip off every weight that holds us back if we want to truly walk out our calling to it’s max potential.
Every doubt that crosses my mind will only have power if I let it. But if I confront it and seek out the real truth behind it, I can allow God to work through me to push forward in his plan for my life. Are there people that can write better than me? Sure. Are there topics that I want to write about that have already been written about? Absolutely. But what inevitably makes my writing completely unique from another person’s is that it comes from my perspective and my experience. I might have a different view point on a a topic from someone else that might touch their life differently than how someone else would write about it.
Also, timing is everything. I might choose to write on a topic that’s been written on a million times. But me publishing words for someone else to read might speak to their specific season of life they are in at that moment that wouldn’t have impacted them as much before.
That’s the one thing I love about the bible. It’s the same yesterday, as it is today, as it will be tomorrow. There are certain verses I’ve read multiple times over that don’t affect me on any given day as much as they affect me when I’m walking through a certain season of life I’ve never experienced before. The same thing is true for how we walk out our God given gifts. If we take it lightly and write something off with doubt or indifference that we feel called to do, we inevitably miss the opportunity for self growth, as well as the opportunity to impact someone’s life. I may not think what I have to say is very important, but it might be totally pertinent or insightful in the context of another person’s circumstances.
What are you wrestling with today that is holding you back from something you know you’re called to do? What is it in your life that is suppressing your dreams? What is that gnawing feeling nipping at your heels that you can’t shake that keeps telling you to embark on that new journey, that new experience, or that new chapter?
I’ve been able to identify several of the weights in my life that keep me bound and shackled from reaching my full potential. I’ve confronted them and looked them in the face even though I’d rather keep turning a blind eye. I’ve called them by name and told the devil, “Not today!” in order to gain clarity and keep pushing forward. And when they rear their ugly heads, I keep extinguishing them like I would in a good game of Whack A Mole 🙂
My challenge for you (and myself) today is that we embrace our callings even if we struggle with resistance. My hope is that we march forward towards our dreams even if they seem impossible or we’ve convinced ourselves they’re not worth pursuing. I pray that, whatever circumstances you find yourself in today, you would be able to confront your own weights and recognize that God has more planned for your life than the place you’re in at this moment.
One thing I know to be true (even if it doesn’t feel true in the moment) is that God is bigger than any weight we have carried from our pasts, any weight we currently carry, and any weight we have yet to carry. The weight can feel massive, and ultimately too overwhelming to sustain. But 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” There is always a solution to whatever weight you’re carrying that holds you down. It may take time to start shedding some of that weight, but know that the more weight you get rid of, the easier it will be to keep moving forward.
God never said he called the qualified, the people who already know what they are doing and how they plan to get to where they are going. God qualifies the called. If you feel nudged to pursue something in your life today, you don’t have to have all the answers before you begin and you don’t have to know exactly where it will take you. What God begins in you, He will see it through in you if you answer His call. I don’t know where this journey of writing will take me, but I’m willing to keep pushing forward to find out.
I’m dropping weight today. I pray that you will drop some too.
MaggieRigdon 